I have this ridiculous problem where I idealise everything - and I mean everything. I do this to the extent that I am very surprised that I am not as disappointed by the inadequacy of life as I might be. I have so many things I want in my life - not a smooth mapped out course of how things should run, but rather little things that would be swell if they were realities in my life.
The gist of things is that I strive for a certain life aesthetic the way people strive for a certain aesthetic to their Instagram accounts.
I want to be proficient at a bunch of languages, I want to learn how to screen print, I want to buy outrageous clothes and be able to treat myself to cute bras and enamel pins with cats on them. I want to live beside a railway line, beside the sea, in Chennai, but also away. I want to travel and see and see and see the world. I want to be able to write quality poetry on stupid topics. I want to have a million cats and a million dogs and I want to take care of them and whatever other animal decides to drop by my house by the railway line by the sea. I want to have lived with the Pinafore at some point, if not forevermore. I want to illustrate books and teach kids, and inspire people to do something.
So many things, and so many more; And I constantly worry if I'll ever be able to do them all. What if I don't? I feel like I have to do everything soon, right away, before that chance goes, before global warming ends life as we know it. I'm so, so young and yet so, so worried that it will all be over before I blink. I don't regret anything so far - everything has taught me something - and I don't want to start anytime soon.
So much I yearn for, so much to do, will Vienna really wait for me?
The gist of things is that I strive for a certain life aesthetic the way people strive for a certain aesthetic to their Instagram accounts.
I want to be proficient at a bunch of languages, I want to learn how to screen print, I want to buy outrageous clothes and be able to treat myself to cute bras and enamel pins with cats on them. I want to live beside a railway line, beside the sea, in Chennai, but also away. I want to travel and see and see and see the world. I want to be able to write quality poetry on stupid topics. I want to have a million cats and a million dogs and I want to take care of them and whatever other animal decides to drop by my house by the railway line by the sea. I want to have lived with the Pinafore at some point, if not forevermore. I want to illustrate books and teach kids, and inspire people to do something.
So many things, and so many more; And I constantly worry if I'll ever be able to do them all. What if I don't? I feel like I have to do everything soon, right away, before that chance goes, before global warming ends life as we know it. I'm so, so young and yet so, so worried that it will all be over before I blink. I don't regret anything so far - everything has taught me something - and I don't want to start anytime soon.
So much I yearn for, so much to do, will Vienna really wait for me?
No comments:
Post a Comment