Too much

I've been meaning to write, I swear it; but always, as is the problem with me, I get overwhelmed when there is an abundance of things - an abundance of tasks to complete, and abundance of thoughts to pen down, an abundance of emotions to deal with.

These days I'm panicking in a very laid back sort of way. My head is yelling, "STUDY!" but all that my body wants to do is sleep. I could wake up at ten in the morning and still want to sleep before lunch, through lunch (frankly, I hate lunch), and all evening. The only time I don't want to sleep is in the night, apparently. Two in the morning is a good time to sleep, and anytime after that till six in the evening. They say you should get a good eight hours of sleep, right? What I want is a good eight hours of awake time, and then I can have an excellent sixteen hours of sleep, sleep, sleep.

If only I was a cat.

Another thing that's hitting me hard is the weather. I've always had an emotion for summer - it had a lot to do with crushes and late nights and listening to Queen. Something has changed. I'm getting a whiff in the wind of another kind of summery emotion that I didn't really remember till now. It's got a pre-summer feel to it, like in tenth standard, when we were writing our board exams. A time when I listened to three songs by the J-pop duo EGOIST on repeat. 

That was a time when things were up in the air, and so is this.

Anyway, the air is simmering with the scent of summers that were, and it's frizzling with the energy of the summers to come. It's got the feel of all times except the present. The unstable, crazy, crazy present, where I don't know what's come over me. Everybody thinks, she'll get by, as always, because she's good; but I don't know. I feel like a lot of my drive has decided to take a long vacation before summer. I thought I was losing my will power before, but now it's really slipping away from me faster and faster, and I'm finding it very hard to care. Do I study, do I not study? What about portfolios and college and ideas to draw? What about watching a good movie?

There are many, many things to think about, but I'd just like to dream;

And so I sleep.